I've never really realized till today how quickly things can change. (Well sort of) It seems to me things are just piling up on each other and it weighs on my heart.
A person I've come to know as a friend just recently left the state to go back to his hometown. I didn't really get to know a lot about him, but the time we did have together made a positive impact on me that I don't ever want to forget. Last night I had a dream about him and in the dream he suddenly left without notice. I guess maybe that dream was the real last time we got to hang together. (Maybe God knew I'd never see him again for a loooong time, so he gave me this dream.)

It makes me almost want to cry now that I think about it. Not only that but one of my newest friends, she has gone from liking one guy to another in like the last 2 weeks and each guy totally likes her! T_T I feel like one day I'll lose her to her "newest" guy and he will most likely become her boyfriend too! v.v I have a bad past with guys and whether I'm pretty or not doesn't really come into question...guys never ever seem to actually like me that way or they are just random ppl that hit on me and I never see them again.
Then the guys I do take interest in it turns out
1.) He turns out to be kind of lame or weird (even creepy...-shudders-)
2.) He's not in anyway morally good for me and I can't wait for the day he straightens his life out...
3.) He's totally cute, might even like me but...! I'm not into him like that! OR HE'S TOO YOUNG FOR ME!!!
I feel like I'm starting from square one ppl! And at my age that is depressing and makes me feel so alone that I might as well give up! OTL I feel like crying..!

Then my friend ,who's mother is in the army and is being promoted, they're family is going to move away next July! T_T Because she asked for an extra year they got to be here for 4 years instead of 3 but I've only know her for 2! I'm going to miss her sooo much! I feel like she'll forget about me!

The only thing that's making me happy right now is I might get a better job and get I.T. certified soon! (Information Technology...btw) Then I'll have the money to move to Japan for 3 months and still be able to do my job!

But I am lonely and that's the only thing I'm fighting right now. The urge to just be with someone no matter the consequences....the distraction that it's keeping my eye off the prize...I just think everyone is so lucky and yet they just let it go to waste in front of me like all the time...If I could even meet just one guy who liked me and wouldn't bring me down with him, I'd totally be there! T_T Wish me luck guys......